When you house burns down it is a great opportunity to RESET.
You are forced to. My RESET actually had been coming long time before the house fire, the fire just forced it swiftly and completely. Walking out of the hospital with only a hospital gown and my own undies on. Family members buying me some pjs, undies, toiletries. Generous donations to help fund purchase of immediate necessities such as medications, face moisture deodorant socks all the things that you use on a daily basis. Omitting the fact that initially we were staying at my Dads house we were actually homeless with absolutely no possessions to our name. I am so grateful for the help from our friends and family so we were actually ok but it was at the core a very strange feeling to know at that point in time we had absolutely nothing. I could be that person that sleeps under the bridge, on the street. It was a very strange feeling one very hard to describe. It would have been the PTSD but everything that time was and still is sometimes completely unstable.
At the same time it was actually freeing to have very limited options, I didn’t have to try to think of what to wear or what to eat. I just wore what was in front of me out of the one jumper I eventually owned it was the pink one or the pink one 🙂 or the lovely food our family served was just there, I am so grateful for but i didnt have to think of going shopping, what to cook just that thing right there, Simple. As the days and weeks went on since then has been an endless list items to get, foundations to build. I will go into a bit more details later, today I wanted to share about my art journey with a reset. This too has also been massive. Again I will go into more of this later and please if you have any questions just ask.
It warrants a bit more than a couple of paragraphs but today in an overview since getting my studio back up I wanted to share the recent art I have been creating and my thoughts. I have immersed myself in painting as a way to FIND that which was lost for a long while ie. MYSELF.
Here is a little blurb posted on socials about a painting I have started and didn’t quite turnout how i wanted, please head over there to read more and see the pics but here is a elaborated version. Also I am working on a painting featured here “Rising from the Ashes” which currently is showing up how I would like, though its not finished yet. Stay tuned for more on this one which I feel is also helping in the healing and discovery of art and me.
My foundations have been wobbly for a long time even before the fire, I hadn’t (still haven’t) done “enough” to know myself artistically. Don’t get me wrong I’ve done alot of learnings, painting and pulled myself many different directions to the point where I didn’t know which way to go (Almost 30years of that). When you have been squashed, pulled and are in a place of survival etc etc you can’t truly stand your ground and create FULLY from that place to your true essence. I know that now.
NOW I’m getting to know MYSELF & my art better and re-establishing foundations basically so that I can choose what I like /want to do. 🥰 Not by what others tell me, or industry or anything else. I’m doing ME by discovery and I’m doing this by doing the work. 💪💪
… By playing, experimenting, by dreaming and also by being out of the comfort zone and being willing to step in and see what happens even if it doesn’t work out (usually that’s the BEST lesson). When I think about it that is basically what creating is about. I have been doing this for a really long time, but its not always been SAFE for me to truly step into the me version of all of that but now having survived this trauma I guess I am thinking that I have proven I am strong enough to handle alot of things so come on lets go!!!
Sharing today cause I want to share the journey.❤️