In my studio session today, i was painting, it wasn’t working… and i went into a feeling i have had many times before… i know it now.. i trust it.. but it wasn’t always so.. here is my letter to creativity when paintings are not working out.
Dear Creativity
The call for me to give up on you today was strong. All the things.. “it is shit”
“Why do you bother?”
“geez you should have left it”
“the more you do the worst it gets”
“that colour isn’t right.”
“Who do you think you are?”
“no one will like this.”
“Geez, that’s like $50 worth of paint right there”…
There could have been at least 100 things to insert here that could have kept playing in my mind but Creativity I and I have had a bit of a long haul…
I KNOW this is all part of the process… I KNOW by now, that it will come good in the end its just a journey to get there… GIVING UP is the start of a decline that is even harder to climb.
Let’s just try to
… just putting that mark there, how about that colour here… that’s it.. or maybe not…discovery and action will take me to the next step and then the step after and then eventually I will be done and it will be done. It is so, no judgements it is or it isn’t.
I know you creativity, sometimes you are trying, sometimes I want to give up on you but I don’t. Sometimes I fall out of love with you just for a little bit but I KNOW that deep down I need you and that we come back together and before you know it I am ready to go again, and that’s ok I just need a bit of time to recollect and regroup cause sometimes its really hard. So today I keep going.. KNOWING.. that it will come good i give up trying to make it something its not and let it be.
Creativity IS LOVE and is COURAGE… its putting oneself in the ring there even when its tough. Its trusting to love even when its hard and you don’t know what will BE. Being KIND in CREATIVITY is so important… imagining the words and thoughts to be kind to me… just as I would be if it was anyone else and TRUST in just being in the moment and it will all come flowing!
